When I am standing on the edge
Revelling at the vista, which the mist blurs
I forget the lovely image, hers, as
She fades… fades… fades away
Over me, joy has taken me in its veil
More a creature of this world
And one less angel on the earth
I want nothing more, nothing less
When I am standing on the edge
Revelling at the vista, which the mist blurs
I think I recall the image, hers, again
She passes…passes… passes by
I want nothing less, nothing more
NaPoWriMo Day 3: Find a shortish poem that you like, and rewrite each line, replacing each word (or as many words as you can) with words that mean the opposite. For example, you might turn “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” to “I won’t contrast you with a winter’s night.” Your first draft of this kind of “opposite” poem will likely need a little polishing, but this is a fun way to respond to a poem you like, while also learning how that poem’s rhetorical strategies really work. (It’s sort of like taking a radio apart and putting it back together, but for poetry).
No matter what point in my life I am, if I’m at a loss of words, I end up back at Fernando Pessoa’s words. So it’s almost written in my destiny to choose a poem by him. This was something I hadn’t read and it hit me like an avalanche. I hope I did justice to it, tinkering its structure to make it make sense in my own soul.
Here’s the poem – As She Passes
8 responses to “[531] As She Fades”
You most definitely did it justice, Rahul! I love the blend of using the prompt and something that inspires you. There’s a breathtaking awareness in your words that is really beautiful to read. I love seeing you more active on WP!!! Such a gift 🤍🤗🤍🤗
Yay thank you. I feel in touch with my feelings and creative spirit after a long time. Hope I go on this month and hope you know that I am waiting for a new poem by you as well 😛
Aww that’s awesome, I’ll be supporting you all the way! Haha you’re kind, posting today 🙂
I love the idea of this. Looking forward to trying it. Thanks!
Thank you! Would be lovely to see your rendition 🙂
The original poem: “Friendships”
Write life without friendships
And who would read it through?
Paint life without its friendships
Where is the rainbow hue?
Build life without its friendships
Who would live therein?
For friendship’s glow leads to the goal
That each of us would win.
poet: Molly A. Haley
And mine:
“Enemies”
Live life with enemies
And no one would join in
Scribble life with its enemies
And forget to add a grin.
Tear down life with its enemies
And regret the choices you choose
For death darkens your door
When you’ve no friends to lose.
Jan Beekman
I really like this! Great job!
Thank you!