The mountain he left was green
Eyes closed, he stills into the night
Dissolving into earth, unseen
He connects to the light inside
The world he left, flowers mid-bloom
a sparrow mid-song, a leaf mid-fall
He felt it in the earth’s womb
The world rewriting its own laws
A cold breath rises on the summit
But his soul was out of his body
The temperature crashes and plummets
Something his body has known to embody
The mountain he left was green
The mountain he sees is white
He reflects on what the rupture means
Can the world withstand its own surprise?
NaPoWriMo Day 4: Finally, here’s today’s optional prompt. In his poem, “Spring Thunder,” Mark van Doren brings us a short, haunting evocation of weather and the change in seasons. Today, we’d like to challenge you to craft your own short poem that involves a weather phenomenon and some aspect of the season. Try using rhyme and keeping your lines of roughly even length.
14 responses to “[569] Western Disturbances”
This is stunning Rahul.👏👏
Thank you so much!
I love the contrast of the world he left, especially the ‘sparrow mid-song, a leaf mid-fall’ and the cold breath rising on the summit, between the mountain he left and the mountain he sees’. The question at the end Is a deft touch, Rahul.
Thank you, those are my favourite lines as well!
My pleasure, Rahul.
This rreminded me of a book I read on mountain climbers on Mt Everest. You brought the moment of stillness during the moment the soul leaves in the cold alive.
I’m so glad you remembered that and felt there is a connection between the two. Thank you Smitha!
Rahul, this is deeply moving — the way you weave together nature, transition, and the soul’s quiet unraveling is breathtaking. Lines like “He connects to the light inside” and “The world rewriting its own laws” stay with me. A beautiful, haunting piece.
Thank you so much Srikanth!
This feels very contemplative! Almost like watching change from a distance rather than being caught in it. I really like how the inner stillness of the figure contrasts with the instability of the world around him. The line “the world rewriting its own laws” stands out for me because it captures that unsettling sense that what once felt predictable no longer is. And the closing question lingers just in the right way… it doesn’t try to resolve anything, just leaves you sitting with it.
~ Oizys.
You’ve just described what I wanted to say behind the words. Thank you for your careful and thoughtful comment 🙂
The earth stood still
Then it split apart
The earth rumbled
Unique phenomena to start
The people stood amazed
Perplexed and soar afraid
Feeling the earth- eyes glazed
Soon to be dismayed
Lo, the earth stood still
The curtain tore in two
The world forever changed
For all, for me and for you!
Sublime! Love it so much.
Thank you so much!!