[101] Last Disguise

To not exist
only in the eyes of others
but only in my own
as a manifestation of confidence
unlike what the world wants of me
A bundle of chaos that tries to
undo himself for the
amusement of others

All I was, All I will, All I am
is a lasting invisible radiance of
the few times you’ve possessed control
in your life
on the night when they kept their arms on the table
and I’m up avoiding their remaining bullets
of self-hatred that wants me to
get back into that
zone of discomfort and
utter hopelessness
with myself

all I feel is pride
I’m I
No shaking this belief
This is my last


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