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[207] Looking Again

How do I start writing? How have I written until this point in time?

These questions plague my mind that is numb. Feelings donā€™t come and stay, they are fleeting like the time that I lost. The confidence that I cherished until now is nowhere to be felt. Ideas do come in my head but they resist coming out on paper. They resist the act of coming outside in a world that is relentless, in a world that isnā€™t my best friend as of now, in a world where I feel lonely again.

How do I explain to anyone why do I sleep early now? Why laying on the bed all day has become exhausting? The strength in me laughs at even the existence of these questions and trivialises them as a privileged first world problem. No one understands that every solution needs to go through a process. If only we could reach the endpoint without the journey, the whole world would be satisfied but well it isnā€™t.

The wisdom lies in the simplest lines. Just do it. Ego is the enemy. Wake up early. But weā€™re in search of something elusive, something that not many have encountered. The search for this ā€œdifferent wisdomā€ leads to the suffering of the present ā€œyouā€.

Then complexity becomes your friend for it hides the real truth behind a maze when itā€™s the truth is really walking behind you, you just need to look back. Youā€™re so focused on where you’re going that you forget where you are. Human beings are ever changing and never changing, a complex sentence, but the simplicity of the meaning is that there is no point chasing something that is also chasing eternity.

When you realise that everything is a process, you start to find your feet again. You look up to the sky and acknowledge the fact the footprints on the moon are there because of the astronauts that died making it possible. Itā€™s a rather grim way of looking at things, but hey, at least I am looking again.

Rahul Gaur

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23 responses to “[207] Looking Again”

  2. Welcome back. Do not worry about what may or may not happen, we can only live in the moment. Worrying about what may or may not have happened in the past or what may happen or not happen tomorrow will rob us of the fabulous events going on right now, right here, with you. Just be your fabulous self. The words will come……and I look forward to reading more of your prose and poetry.

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  4. As you said, it’s a process. Writing is such a dichotomy- even at the worst of times, sometimes it’s the easiest thing to do and sometimes the most difficult. I don’t think there’s a “right” way to write- it’s honestly whatever works for you. For me, what’s worked for years now is waking up early and writing. But I’ve also enjoyed pouring my emotions out at 2am after a couples of drinks. It’s cathartic at best, a vent at worst. Take care, and it gets better- trust me.

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  6. I think I needed to see this today so thank you.

    I go through cycles – sometimes the words flow and the characters live then … like flipping a switch … it’s all dead. I read back over and everything is cardboard. Flat and tasteless. Shades of grey. I discard what I have written, convinced it’s dreck.

    But today I’m taking a look at an old writing and checking to see if I can revive it. Make it live like Adam, Frankenstein’s monster, grafting parts of the old onto something else.

    Again, thank you for writing this post. I assume it was difficult because it is hard to read but often it’s the hard truths that are the most necessary.

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  7. Good to meet you. Thanks for liking my most recent author interview. I loved this sentence: “If only we could reach the endpoint without the journey,” So true – and yet the journey is surely much more than half the fun as well as the pain.

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  9. The expression is exclusive in its self for each time we sit down to write, the challenges are quite unique and known only to a creator. Sometimes the words and thoughts overflow whereas at others you have to squeeze them out.

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