You forget the process when you stay away from it long enough. The process of beginning again rusts to form resistance and you feel lost while trying to find the spark to discover fire again.
There is the idea and then there is a journey you go through to reach that idea or let that idea come to you. To get the idea you have to commit to the journey, you have to admit that you’re on a journey otherwise you’ll be traversing in an aimless orbit.
The idea comes. Now you have to go on another journey to reach where you can articulate the idea into the art you want to create. Articulation requires analysis which is met with resistance again. You’re tired. You’re self-loathing. You’re rusty. But then you start focussing on a different kind of energy. You’re hungry. You’re seeking validation from yourself. You’re ambitious.
The journey between the idea and the creation is riddled with a problem. The lack of a bridge between them. You’ve analysed and articulated that the only option that is left now is to jump. You know the mechanics of the jump but some data is surely missing. The data can inform a better decision so this is where you always wait. To gather more information. But this time, you jump.
The creation. It’s beautiful. It’s alluring. It’s satisfactory until the layers of the initial honeymoon period peel off and you start seeing all the rough edges, the lost potential and the brokenness. You ask yourself did I jump too early? Should I have taken more time? You look away and the time turns back.
You’re there waiting for the data to come back before the jump. The data comes to you with the realisation that you need to know more and more and more. You’re losing interest in the idea. You turn your back and abandon the idea. But you wake up to reality.
You see the imperfect perfection of your creation now. It’s appropriate as it is. The perfectionist in you heaves a final breathe before it dies off promising to return again. You look him in the eye and say I’ll be ready, to take the jump again.