Naturally, we’re all filled with self-doubt in every waking moment. A feeling that normally stays dormant till we’re faced with the mountain of expectations. Either from us or from others. What we need to understand is that these expectations are given articulation by our own mind. So in a sense, these expectations are self-made. But then why aren’t the reactions to these expectations something that’s in our control?
Illusions have a way of fooling even the smartest of people. It makes the stupid feel smart and the smart feel stupid. If you’re thinking you’re one of them, then it might be the case that you’re the other. It is complicated but aren’t we all trying to find simplicity in complexity. We’re trying to give meaning to convoluted airflow of words or trying to defy intuition by calling them impulses.
Everything we do makes us feel inadequate at the end of it. There’s always something left to be desired. We realise that eventually, nothing is in our control. Everything is an illusion. Then the question arises how do we do what we want to do? This question demands an examination of the why of what we want to do and is what we do a definition of what we are?
Like validation warps your belief about what you really enjoy, a social media post is enough to make your dopamine level rise. You forget about what is it that you felt, and all that remains is a feeling of others about what you felt. These are the two layers that we need to distinguish between: to hold on to what we felt and be satisfied with it or to get swept across by the things we’re making others feel, forgetting how we felt. If we choose the latter one it seldom becomes about what you would like to do and solely is about what you would like to like to do.
It becomes about the meaning we attach to our work. Why is there a need for my writing to exist? What is writing for me? These basic questions become the emblem of the level we want to achieve. Meanings are the only things that are in our control. Maybe that is the point of it all, to have your own little personal meaning in everything you do. Your own little secrets that no one will find but you.