[352] A Beautiful Smile

Self-diagnosed with no self-confidence
I indulge in the breaking of my mind
Compliments fall on my Van Gogh ear
I reach my home to finally find my city on fire
‘Do you have any last words?’ the fire asks
And the words on the threshold swallow up my tongue
I had prepared a speech for all my loved ones I think
but I see nothing but ashes of their smiles
No crowded room at my deathbed
Will my last emotion be regret?
I rationalize to say it’s only becoming
of the times I haven’t said what I thought
never saying I love you to her when she wanted
or never messaging a compliment to the ones
who needed it when they were down because I was too

The finality of the moment weighs me down
I fail to realise I’ll only become lighter
weaker and sleepier in my final moments
I’m still unable to form words for a writer that I am/was
Unexpected death has robbed me of language
so I do what I always did when I didn’t know what to do
I smiled

The ashes summon the rain and the rain summon the colours
The flowers grow from the concrete and the city is forgotten
I am in a forest in a blink with all my close friends and family as flowers
I walk up to them and they say
‘choose which plant you want to be’
I have to choose between a touch me not plant or a sunflower
I would have chosen the first in a different dimension of regret
but my last words were a smile of a lifetime
and a fulfilling life I won’t forget

14 thoughts on “[352] A Beautiful Smile

  1. “never saying I love you to her when she wanted” – it’s not about rare, grand gestures – it’s much more about consistently performing little acts of love. so… never hesitate to say, “I love you!”

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