[68] We All Suffer From Hope

We all suffer from hope. A hope for a universal desire to be loved.

To be loved for who we are is what we look for in a relation, be it friendship or romantic. But no one can love you for all that you are. So you build up a facade of who they want you to be, you mould to be someone they’ll love. But in the process, you end up being loved for who you are not, and also start to hate yourself for being who you are now.

Anxiety borders on your mind, to make you imagine a reality where your significant other leaves you, either for another or just leaves you without any explanation. For some things in life remain unexplained. So you forget that this imagined reality differs from what’s actuality, their unconditional love, for now.

You hear a story, that barely scratches the surface of the situation. A situation where a couple’s relationship deteriorates due to “long-distance”. Due to hearsay, you have surface level facts about the couple’s personalities which are in fact quite richer and fuller than you might expect, and you know this fact in the back of your head, but you choose to ignore it and live inside the lie that your mind supplied, that it ended due to a “long-distance relationship”. The real reason was the differences in their ideologies or thought process where their wavelengths stopped to match after the disappointment of knowing who each of them really was.

The aftermath of the end does not bring a ruin but a hope that reigns again. Even though it rains inside your head, the clouds clear again when you recognise a stranger that holds your attention in this attention-deficit environment. A lively excitement ignites up the matchstick of hope again, the process repeats again.

This time, you become the story, that barely scratches the surface of the situation. A situation where you’re the couple and the reason of your separation transforms to “invading each other’s space”, the lack of distance they say was the problem. Even your facades are not understood well by the people who hear this twisted tale, even though in the back of their head they know you are more than what the story says, but they choose to ignore it and live inside the lie their mind supplied, that it ended due to “the lack of space”. When, in fact, the reason was that one of you were not over “her”, that broke your walls before, and the existing person was unable to break the ruins or even a brick that’s why the lack of space became an issue. The effort of the other disguised into desperation to know the real you, but all it did was became an issue for others to turn into a story that they could tell each other in hopes of not letting theirs become a story in turn. But, naivety that birthed hope is the naivety that kills their soul, as they all become a story someday. A story that lacks truth, like their lives.

You suffer from the hope, that someone like “her” will come again and break the wall. A suffering that is simmering like heat, waiting to cause a rupture in your soul. Then again the story that scratches the surface will talk about how “she” was the reason for your implosion but when it was hope that killed your soul.

6 thoughts on “[68] We All Suffer From Hope

  1. You can be loved for who you are, in entirety. The only solution to this hypocricy people live in, is stop being someone else, be yourself, be as you are, be honest with yourself and with others. Why do we need so much deception? The desire to be loved by others is so strong, because we can’t learn to love ourselves, and accept ourselves as who we are.

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